STORIES OF ME

assalamualaikum and good evening peeps.

it's been a while since i update my blog and fuh lap sikit skrin. banyak habuk :)

and now im counting how many days that left for me to live in this country. it's been almost 2 month im here. banyak benda belajar especially how to open my mind to be more wise and open minded. x de la mcm kata kat bawah tempurung.

MANSFIELD UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA

yeah, im updating my blog using university computer. haha. sebelum datang sini i feel really scared cause yeah im coming alone. travel far away from family, jatuh sakit stress tension kerja banyak x dak sapa nak dengar nak tolong nak ambil kesah. but one thing i know travel make the distance between you and your creator. travel make you open your mind as wide as it can be. travel help you to learn to be polite and stand on you own feet. do your own work without relying on other people, it makes you stronger without you know. the first time i came here. i was so quiet cause my english are so bad. i feel so embarrassed to talk to other international friend cause english also not their mother tongue but better than me. i was so afraid i cant make any friend. first class was not very good for me cause i dont really understand what was the prof. blabbering about. he keep talking about atoms, molecular, polar bonds etc etc. my first lab i get scold because i didnt do my pre lab assignment. i almost get 0 and almost get kick out from lab. basically my starting here not as beautiful as other people. i come back room almost cry. i want to go back Malaysia. i miss family. i miss malaysian food. i cant eat meat cause here not HALAL. being a vegetarian is not easy. but look where i am now. i still dont have a lot of friends but there are friends who can accept me with all my imperfection. we embrace each other belief. we here for each other. and im still learning on my english and they patiently helping me. im happy here with them and not that im not missing all my friends in malaysia. they still the best among the best. my mind are now open widely to accept other people opinions , culture and vegetarian. haha, im more wise about my healthy and calories, checking ingredients before picking up food, checking calories, work out to be slim. HAH!!!

but after all these hardship. im not saying that study abroad tu susah but throughout this hardship i start to learn more about myself. without anyone helps i do everything myself solve the problem by myself and i'll becoming the strongest person that i hope i can be but i don't know how.

there is a story about two wolves who live in a child body. one wolf are full of evil, greedy, and revenge and the othe wolf is full of goodness. one day a child ask which wolf gonna survive ? so the elder answer......

Assalamualaikum

less than 2 weeks and foe exact date next saturday 15/8 i'm gonna fly to US. exchange student programme. instead of excitement i'm more to fear. takut. hoping that everything gonna be find and the transit, i'm not lost. byk benda nak fikir. what about food there? solat, friends, org melayu ade ke tak, this all the question with no answer.

org ckp benda yang paling mahal adalah experience. yes pegi bukan sebab suka-suka nak pergi. all the hardworks terbalas. susah sgt nak apply program ni. tapi apa yang tanam dalam diri. usaha je nanti Allah akan balas dengan berita gembira. usaha doa.

org x akan nampak usaha kita yang org nampak adalah hasil sahaja. kita diri sendiri tahu bagaimana kita usaha semua ni. mcm tu juga dgn kehidupan. we can't expect people always there for us. we need to stand by ourself. kalau diri sendiri x kuat mcm mna kita nak jd motivation dekat org terdekat. i love listening to people's stories sbb dari situ kita sedar yang kita rasa hidup kita susah sgt tp ada lg org yang lg susah dari kita. from that we know how to be grateful. thank you Allah for giving me such beautiful life journey.

maturity comes from thinking skills not from the age.

till next time,
the one who want to be better

when you waering a mask, you were never be happy. 

i don't know who am i exactly. am i wearing a mask or i'd just be myself. am i honest with myself?? or all this time i'd lying to all people include myself. what i know is i am fake person. i can accept people heart without knowing my heart is still confused whether i love them back or i just playing around because i'm lonely. i hate to be alone. but when i'm around people i still feel like a loner. people keep leave me in the end. i just follow the flow. i'm not an actresses but i act like one. in the end i am a good actor. am i really love him? sometimes i think i like him but sometimes everything chocked me up. i can't breath. i can't even say i love him with my heart honest. i feel trap inside a cage. i want to be free, i can't cooperate with any people relation. i want to be myself. but "Who Am I?" i don't know. who i want to be. i don't like soccer but i watch it. i pretend like i love soccer. i remember the legendary player. i stay up to watch world cup. i don't even stay up to date to new songs. but whenever friend ask me " did you listen to this song? it wierd but nice" " yeah, it's nice though" i love korean so much. their songs their band their variety shows their dramas. but people hate it. they keep bashing it. when they bashed korea i really mad but i play cool. like nothing happen. they said koreans fans are "Bodoh" and i just reply "betul fanatik korea tu bodoh" but i'm one of korean's fan. why? because i am FAKE. i wearing a mask. i not that smart. i want to look intelligent. i study hard but in front of people i just said " just study this and there. not much. not really study person" who am i?

just a fake person around fake people.

in the end,

we all think about the top and struggle our lives,but if we turn to the sides a little bit,there're a bunch of flowers that smell so sweet

sincere,
the one who keep abonding her relation with her creator.

harini adalah hari yanga paling gembira bagi aku kerana sesuatu yang sangat diharapkan menjadi milik ..

MANSFIELD UNVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA

walaupun hanya satu semester tapi peluang ni sangat bermakna. boleh buat mama abah senyum kakak abang gembira. i have a sister who study oversea and because of her i try my best to grab any opportunity to go oversea even for only 5 month. dah mencukupi untuk memberi kebahagiaan.

doa yang x putus dari Allah sehinga dia memberi rezeki sebegini besar. mungkin x dikurniakan otak yang pandai. perlu belajar lebih dari orang lain untuk mencapai kejayaan. mungkin x kaya untuk makan mewah pakai mewah dan memiliki segala kemudahan tetapi biarlah setiap doa yang dipohon didengar oleh yang maha Esa dan dimakbulkan mencukupi dari hidup mewah dan segalanya.

aku -----------> seorang yang sangat gilakan English Tv siries. and this place mungkin org ckp x dikenali seperti bandar New York tetapi bg seseorang yang sgt suka kan classic place ini sgt bermakna. i want to visit A place name ROSEWOOD, PHILADELPHIA cause this place is were from the tv siries i watched. haha pelikkan. kita hanya nampak yang besar yang gah yang selalu org katakan tapi jika kita buka mata muka pemikiran selalunya yang banyak membantu yg besar adalah insan2 yang kecil disekeliling kita. kita x nampak atau ita sengaja butakan mata untuk melihat.


bukan hanya negara besar yang Allah cipta tp lihat juga negara2 yang kecil disekeliling kita yang Allah cipta sama cantik dan sama rata dgn semua negara besar :)





sekarang mungkin hanya google image. insyaAllah the true memories will be record in another 5 month to go. doakan yang terbaik. selamat pergi selamat pulang bertemu keluarga dan selamat belajar di negara orang berseorangan.

amin

Assalamualaikum..

the time i was writing this post is the peak hour that my head can't bear anymore stress. banyak stress yang ada bagi seorang pejuang bernama "pelajar".. dan bagi diri ini dugaan untuk berubah tu sgt tinggi. there's the time when i feel like i want to be my oldself back because i can't istiqamah for this changes. but i have friend who keep reminds me sentiasa bersabar, zikir, igt Allah and everything. dan juga bila diri ini dilanda dugaan manusia dan bila diri dilayan kasar walaupun x tahu apa salah diri. nak terima tu susah sebab diri yang dlu akan lawan balik sehingga kemengan dipihak sendiri walaupun perlu mengeluarkan kata-kata kasar dan kesat. tp sekarang hanya mampu berdiam dan bersabar. kadang tak mampu nak tahan sabar air mata mengalir juga bila bersendirian menatap gambar mak dengan abah.

sebab tu selalu ulang dalam hati

ASSALAMUALAIKUM and good evening :)

everybody have desired to be good and all the mankind born with pure heart. it  is our choice to choose to be good or bad. kalau kita fikir balik, setulusnya diri kita sendiri adalah "big enemy" untuk diri kita. perasan atau tak kita selalu mengalami keadaan dilema atau pun susah nak memilih arah perbuatan kita. adakah mengikut rasional, perasaan atau pun kedua duanya dengan berlandaskan agama?

"by the nafs and He who proportioned it. and inspired it ( with discernment of ) its wickedness and its rightieousness. he has succeeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who instills it (with corruption)